Shades of Grey
“My God, Aidan, where’ve you been? Do you even know what the time is?”
As soon as I stepped into the hall, Kai’s skinny arms wound tight around my neck.
I reached up to smooth a hand through his hair, the thin strands slipping through my fingers like water. “I’m not late, baby. It’s barely midnight.”
“But I’ve missed you,” Kai said, his voice muffled against my shoulder. “I’ve been thinking about you all evening and you didn’t once call me. I thought ...” He paused and pulled back, nostrils flaring. “You stink of perfume. Did you...?”
“No!” I said, alarmed he should even think it, let alone ask. “I told you I wouldn’t.” I shrugged off my coat and hung it on the hook beside the front door. Then I carried on down the hall to our bedroom and perched on the bed to pull off my shoes.
“So, why do you smell of her?”
Kai leaned against the doorframe in his briefs, eyeing me with that particular look I despised. Suspicion, distrust, jealousy, all mingled together in the expressive depths of his grey eyes. How could we begin to deny the truth of our relationship to others when Kai gazed at me like that?
“What do you want me to say? We went to the movies and I took her home. End of.”
“Did you kiss her?”
“She’s my girlfriend. I’m expected to kiss her.”
“You weren’t tempted to fuck her?”
I held his gaze, grey on grey, a perfect mirror image. Except where Kai’s hair was long and bleached, my own was short and dyed. Black. Like my clothes. To represent the shade of my heart.
“No,” I said quietly. “I was not”
He narrowed his eyes just slightly. “All right,” he said, before moving over to join me on the bed. “I believe you.”
Of course he did. Lying to Kai was even more difficult than lying to myself.
“So, what did you do while I was gone?" I asked with a swift change of subject.
“I watched the clock.”
“All evening?”
“Yes. I tried to concentrate on other things. Even tried going to bed, but…” He peered at me through his fringe. “You weren’t beside me.”
I laid a hand on his bare thigh. His skin felt warm, welcoming. “You know why I see Jennie, don’t you?” I asked. “You’ve heard the rumours around campus same as I have.”
“But we’re not hurting anyone.” Kai shook his head. “It can’t be wrong if we’re not hurting anyone.”
I sighed. Not again! How many times had we been over this? And all we did was churn up the same old ground, which usually ended in a pointless argument.
“We need to try, though. Try to convince the world nothing’s going on between us.”
“Even though there is?”
I trailed a finger along the gentle curve of his collarbone. “Even though there is.”
“And always will be!” Without warning, he lunged, pushing me back on the bed and quickly straddling my thighs. He grabbed my wrists and held them down either side of my head. “You know that, lover, don’t you?”
I tried to ignore the pain as his nails bit into the skin of my wrists. “Yes,” I whispered.
“We could always change universities,” he said, all sweetness again as he released my wrists in favour of unbuttoning my shirt.
“And have the same thing happen again?” I shuddered as he unzipped my fly and reached in. “People…are always…. going… to…to… talk.”
“Then, we’ll get a two bedroom flat,” he said, sounding distant as lust thundered through my ears.
“Can’t…afford ….uh! Hey!” I clamped a hand around his wrist. “You want this over before we’ve even begun?”
“Sorry.” He pouted. “Two single beds, then.”
“We’re too energetic for single beds,.” I rose up, flipped Kai over, and stared down into his face. “You could always try lying still for a change.” I burrowed a hand inside his briefs.
“Does she lie still for you?”
I frowned. “She can never touch us, love,” I said softly. “There will never be anyone else but you. I promise”
“Hmm.” His lips tilted into a smile. “I adore that.”
I wasn’t sure if he was enthusing about having his balls tickled, or just voicing his approval regarding my promise. I might’ve asked for clarification, only he thrust his hips and demanded, “Take these off me.”
I hooked my fingers into the waistband of his underpants and drew them carefully over his erection, his thighs, knees, and finally off altogether. I paused to gaze at his long, elegant bones and pale, gold-dusted skin.
“You are so beautiful," I muttered, my mouth suddenly dry as Kai stroked his dick.
When moisture pearled at the tip, he gathered the liquid on his thumb and touched the pad to his lips. “And you, my darling, are entirely too vain.”
True. Whenever I praised my lover’s beauty, I might just as well admire my own. The only way our friends had been able to tell us apart was when I took to dying my hair and dressing in dark clothes. I was the quiet, moody one. Kai glowed like sunlight beneath attention. The rumours about our relationship never bothered him. He simply laughed them off, whereas I withered at the thought of discovery and what it would mean.
“What are you thinking about?" he asked, wriggling on the bed.
“You.” I pushed my jeans to my ankles. “I’m always thinking about you.”
“Well, of course you are, darling.” He parted his legs in invitation. “Who else could there possibly be?”
Who else, indeed? Earlier, Jennie asked me to stay over. I made up some story about having an assignment to finish by the morning. She told me to go fuck myself. I fought the urge to tell her I already did. Practically every night of the week.
Copyright © Ash Penn 2010
As soon as I stepped into the hall, Kai’s skinny arms wound tight around my neck.
I reached up to smooth a hand through his hair, the thin strands slipping through my fingers like water. “I’m not late, baby. It’s barely midnight.”
“But I’ve missed you,” Kai said, his voice muffled against my shoulder. “I’ve been thinking about you all evening and you didn’t once call me. I thought ...” He paused and pulled back, nostrils flaring. “You stink of perfume. Did you...?”
“No!” I said, alarmed he should even think it, let alone ask. “I told you I wouldn’t.” I shrugged off my coat and hung it on the hook beside the front door. Then I carried on down the hall to our bedroom and perched on the bed to pull off my shoes.
“So, why do you smell of her?”
Kai leaned against the doorframe in his briefs, eyeing me with that particular look I despised. Suspicion, distrust, jealousy, all mingled together in the expressive depths of his grey eyes. How could we begin to deny the truth of our relationship to others when Kai gazed at me like that?
“What do you want me to say? We went to the movies and I took her home. End of.”
“Did you kiss her?”
“She’s my girlfriend. I’m expected to kiss her.”
“You weren’t tempted to fuck her?”
I held his gaze, grey on grey, a perfect mirror image. Except where Kai’s hair was long and bleached, my own was short and dyed. Black. Like my clothes. To represent the shade of my heart.
“No,” I said quietly. “I was not”
He narrowed his eyes just slightly. “All right,” he said, before moving over to join me on the bed. “I believe you.”
Of course he did. Lying to Kai was even more difficult than lying to myself.
“So, what did you do while I was gone?" I asked with a swift change of subject.
“I watched the clock.”
“All evening?”
“Yes. I tried to concentrate on other things. Even tried going to bed, but…” He peered at me through his fringe. “You weren’t beside me.”
I laid a hand on his bare thigh. His skin felt warm, welcoming. “You know why I see Jennie, don’t you?” I asked. “You’ve heard the rumours around campus same as I have.”
“But we’re not hurting anyone.” Kai shook his head. “It can’t be wrong if we’re not hurting anyone.”
I sighed. Not again! How many times had we been over this? And all we did was churn up the same old ground, which usually ended in a pointless argument.
“We need to try, though. Try to convince the world nothing’s going on between us.”
“Even though there is?”
I trailed a finger along the gentle curve of his collarbone. “Even though there is.”
“And always will be!” Without warning, he lunged, pushing me back on the bed and quickly straddling my thighs. He grabbed my wrists and held them down either side of my head. “You know that, lover, don’t you?”
I tried to ignore the pain as his nails bit into the skin of my wrists. “Yes,” I whispered.
“We could always change universities,” he said, all sweetness again as he released my wrists in favour of unbuttoning my shirt.
“And have the same thing happen again?” I shuddered as he unzipped my fly and reached in. “People…are always…. going… to…to… talk.”
“Then, we’ll get a two bedroom flat,” he said, sounding distant as lust thundered through my ears.
“Can’t…afford ….uh! Hey!” I clamped a hand around his wrist. “You want this over before we’ve even begun?”
“Sorry.” He pouted. “Two single beds, then.”
“We’re too energetic for single beds,.” I rose up, flipped Kai over, and stared down into his face. “You could always try lying still for a change.” I burrowed a hand inside his briefs.
“Does she lie still for you?”
I frowned. “She can never touch us, love,” I said softly. “There will never be anyone else but you. I promise”
“Hmm.” His lips tilted into a smile. “I adore that.”
I wasn’t sure if he was enthusing about having his balls tickled, or just voicing his approval regarding my promise. I might’ve asked for clarification, only he thrust his hips and demanded, “Take these off me.”
I hooked my fingers into the waistband of his underpants and drew them carefully over his erection, his thighs, knees, and finally off altogether. I paused to gaze at his long, elegant bones and pale, gold-dusted skin.
“You are so beautiful," I muttered, my mouth suddenly dry as Kai stroked his dick.
When moisture pearled at the tip, he gathered the liquid on his thumb and touched the pad to his lips. “And you, my darling, are entirely too vain.”
True. Whenever I praised my lover’s beauty, I might just as well admire my own. The only way our friends had been able to tell us apart was when I took to dying my hair and dressing in dark clothes. I was the quiet, moody one. Kai glowed like sunlight beneath attention. The rumours about our relationship never bothered him. He simply laughed them off, whereas I withered at the thought of discovery and what it would mean.
“What are you thinking about?" he asked, wriggling on the bed.
“You.” I pushed my jeans to my ankles. “I’m always thinking about you.”
“Well, of course you are, darling.” He parted his legs in invitation. “Who else could there possibly be?”
Who else, indeed? Earlier, Jennie asked me to stay over. I made up some story about having an assignment to finish by the morning. She told me to go fuck myself. I fought the urge to tell her I already did. Practically every night of the week.
Copyright © Ash Penn 2010